As I sit here and reflect on the yr 2007 many things come to my mind. The yr started out good, we have a nice home, Danny got a job promotion, my job is going well, we seemed to have it all. Until tragedy struck our lives and things will never be the same again. 2007 will live in my mind forever as the worst yr of my life. My life has changed, it will never be the same again. I have felt pain before, but nothing compares to the pain you feel when you lose a beloved child. I have heard of people losing children before, and I felt sad and sick that this would happen to someone. But you never really know the full impact unless it has happened to you. You just dont know. It is crippling, painful and you just dont know how you are supposed to go on. This is something that i dont wish anyone to have to experience. I feel numb most of the time. Going through the motions of everday life but not really feeling anything. just surviving. I get up do what I have to do and count the minutes until I can go back to bed and sleep not having to think about it anymore. The only thing I can think about is my little Cayden and how I wish he were here with me. I would give up every thing that I own just to have him back with me. I sometimes get thoughts that it was my fault if only i hadnt did this or if only I had done that. Do you know the pain of thinking that you may have been able to prevent your childs death if only you had done things differently? That is a hard burden to carry around with you on a daily basis. Deep down I know it wasnt my fault and I know there was nothing I could have done to stop it, but I cant keep those thoughts from my mind. Time heals they say, but right now I can not see beyond today. I cry alot, but only when I am alone. I dont want to upset anyone else. Outwardly I appear to be ok, but on the inside I am crying always, screaming, angry and feeling so alone. I know I am not the only one hurting, everyone misses and loves Cayden so much. We all grieve differently and I understand that. When something like this happens people tend to try to avoid you. I understand that they do not know what to say, as I wouldnt know what to say myself, all you have to do is tell me how sorry you are and that you are here for me. Dont avoid talking about cayden, just hearing his name mentioned is music to my ears. I want to talk about him, I want to remember him as the happy loving little boy that he was. He IS still my son, he may not be here with me physically but he is here in my mind and heart and he always will be. I love and miss you my little man!